It's difficult to say which is more nauseating: The reliability of a career in the news industry today or riding an airplane through turbulence with a massive hangover. Either way, most will agree that the news business is in need of a rescue. Beyond divine intervention, here are a few possibilities, in no particular order, of who the hero -- or heroes -- might be.
1. Poets and novelists! Last week, Israel's oldest newspaper demonstrated what would happen if it sent most of its reporters home for a day and replaced them with 31 Israeli poets and novelists. Nearly every story except sports in the June 10 edition of Haaretz, commonly described as Israel's version of The New York Times, was written in first person -- a big no-no in newspaper writing. Haaretz's liberal, culturally inspired readers probably enjoyed the issue thoroughly, potentially boosting readership for the day.
A summary of how it went:
Among those articles were gems like the stock market summary by Avri Herling. It went like this: "Everything's okay. Everything's like usual. Yesterday trading ended. Everything's okay. The economists went to their homes, the laundry is drying on the lines, dinners are waiting in place...Dow Jones traded steadily and closed with 8,761 points, Nasdaq added 0.9% to a level of 1,860 points...The guy from the shakshuka [an Israeli egg-and-tomato dish] shop raised his prices again... The TV review by Eshkol Nevo opened with these words: "I didn't watch TV yesterday." And the weather report was a poem by Roni Somek, titled '"Summer Sonnet:" "Summer is the pencil/that is least sharp/in the seasons' pencil case.'" News junkies might call this a postmodern farce, but considering that the stock market won't be soaring anytime soon, and that 'hot' is really the only weather forecast during Israeli summers, who's to say these articles aren't factual?"
No word yet on if the Times plans on swapping out its staff for a day. If it does, the paper might want to get ahold of novelist Dave Eggers, who has pledged to provide e-mail therapy for journalists in despair over their shaky careers.
2. Comedians! Stephen Colbert, the satirical host of "The Colbert Report" on Comedy Central, served as guest editor of the June 15 Newsweek magazine. The move was made as part of his big trip to Iraq, where he aired his show and ended up with a crew cut by order of the president. Colbert's shaved head graces the cover for his edition. The real editor, Jon Meacham, admits he brought on Colbert partly for publicity but also to bring more attention to a serious subject, one that Newsweek covers repeatedly: Iraq. Colbert undoubtedly attracted readers who otherwise might not have picked up a copy of the magazine.
3. President Barack Obama! On June 24, ABC will temporarily become the Obama News Channel. Obama's push for health care reform will be examined by Charlie Gibson and Diane Sawyer, broadcasting from the White House. The prime time special is being called "Questions for the President: Prescription For America," and despite a request from the Republican National Committee to include alternative views, it sounds like ABC will exclude opposition. Even the Israeli poets and novelists had the journalistic knowledge to cover both sides of an issue. Obama surely will help boost ratings for ABC and would certainly help any newspaper willing to tote his agenda.
4. Musicians! Bono, lead singer from the rock group U2, dabbled in the world of column writing at The New York Times earlier this year. His guest column didn't advocate for any of his favorite philanthropic causes as one might have expected. Instead the column depicted a blurry scene inside a bar on New Year's Eve with a poetic flavor that demonstrated the talents of a songwriter with 30 years of musical experience under his belt. Did it work for me as an opinion piece? Not really. It was just plain weird.
Here's how it started:
"Once upon a couple of weeks ago ...I'm in a crush in a Dublin pub around New Year's. Glasses clinking clicking, clashing crashing in Gaelic revelry: swinging doors, sweethearts falling in and out of the season's blessings, family feuds subsumed or resumed. Malt joy and ginger despair are all in the queue to be served on this, the quarter-of-a-millennium mark since Arthur Guinness first put velvety blackness in a pint glass."
He did much better when he served as guest editor of The Independent three years ago, when he used the opportunity to call attention to the problems facing African countries. In a nation where more of us vote for the next American Idol than for president of the United States, maybe newspapers just need to add a little more entertainment value. If so, why not get it from the pros? If the Times gives any other rocker a shot, I'd recommend Ozzy Osbourne. Now that would be an entertaining read.
5. The French! French President Nicolas Sarkozy, known for his love of soaking up news coverage, is offering advice to the newspaper industry. The country pumps EUR 1.5 billion per year into direct or indirect subsidies for its papers. "The press has to be profitable," Sarkozy declared. "It's the best way for it to be independent." Sacre bleu! Thanks Nick! I don't think that's been considered.
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